I thought I had changed.
Maybe that is what makes the return of an old pattern so discouraging.
For weeks—or even months—you were different.
The anger seemed to be gone. The pornography had stopped. You weren't reacting to your wife or children the way you used to. The fear wasn't controlling you. You were praying, reading Scripture, listening to sermons, and genuinely growing.
You weren't pretending.
Something really had changed.
Then, almost without warning, the old pattern came back.
Maybe it wasn't even one major crisis that triggered it. It was just life.
Work had been difficult. The kids were driving you crazy. Your wife was tired. You hadn't slept well. Money was tight. Traffic was terrible. One thing piled on top of another.
None of it seemed big enough on its own to explain what happened.
But then you exploded.
Or you returned to the pornography you hadn't looked at in months.
Or the fear came rushing back.
Or you found yourself controlling, hiding, withdrawing, or reacting exactly the way you thought you had finally overcome.
And afterward came the question:
What happened to all my growth?
Maybe an even more painful thought followed:
I knew it wouldn't last.
The Short Answer
Old patterns can return even after genuine spiritual growth because growth and rootedness are not necessarily the same thing. Jesus described someone who received the Word with joy and experienced something real, yet had “no root in himself.” In the Re-Forming framework, the return of an old pattern does not automatically mean your growth was false. It may reveal that your growth has not yet developed a deep enough connection to Christ—the source of life—to sustain it under the ordinary pressures of life.
What If Your Growth Was Real?
Jesus said something in the parable of the sower that we may have overlooked.
He described seed that fell on stony ground:
“But he who received the seed on stony places, this is he who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; yet he has no root in himself, but endures only for a while. For when tribulation or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles.”— Matthew 13:20–21 (NKJV)
Look carefully at what Jesus says.
The person hears the word. He receives it. He receives it with joy.
And for a while, something happens.
There is growth.
That matters.
If an old pattern returns, we can look backward and conclude that our previous growth must have been imaginary.
Maybe it wasn't.
Jesus directs our attention underneath the visible growth:
“He has no root in himself.”
Those last two words matter:
In himself.
What if the problem wasn't that your growth wasn't real?
What if your growth had nothing deep enough to sustain it?
You Cannot Draw Water Through Someone Else's Roots
Think about what happens in churches every Sunday.
A pastor may spend an entire week studying Scripture, praying, pondering, interacting with Christ, and receiving understanding from Him.
Then Sunday comes. He shares what he has received, and people receive it with joy.
Someone leaves church excited:
That message was exactly what I needed.
I see things differently now.
That sermon changed me.
And perhaps it did.
Sunday afternoon, the message is still alive. Monday, you are still thinking about it. Tuesday, life gets busy. By Wednesday, much of what seemed so powerful on Sunday has evaporated.
Then Sunday comes again, and you return for another drink.
The same is true of Christian books, other people's Bible studies, podcasts, teachers, conferences, livestreams, and other ministries.
They are wonderful. They can teach us great truths, bring us insights we have never had before, and even produce immediate growth in our lives.
But there is one thing none of them can do for us:
They cannot give us roots within ourselves.
If all we ever do is receive what someone else has drawn from Christ, we are continually trying to drink through somebody else's roots.
And no matter how wonderful the teaching is or how real the growth it produces, without roots of your own, that growth cannot be sustained.
A root is the plant's connection to the source that keeps it alive.
Your pastor can draw water through his roots and share what he has received, but eventually you need your own roots.
You cannot draw water through someone else's roots.
Perhaps this is one reason so much Christian growth seems to last only “for a while.”
We have become very focused on the growth we can see above the ground while paying far less attention to the roots underneath it.
Why Does It Last Only for a While?
When water is plentiful near the surface, a plant with shallow roots may look perfectly healthy.
Then the drought comes.
As the surface dries, the plant with shallow roots has nowhere deeper to draw from. The plant whose roots have grown deep keeps finding water.
The drought didn't create the difference between the two plants. It revealed it.
The same thing can happen in our Christian lives.
And the drought doesn't have to be some enormous tragedy.
Sometimes it is simply Tuesday.
You didn't sleep well. Work was frustrating. Your wife is tired. The kids are acting up. The bills keep coming. Traffic is terrible. Then you get home, and something else goes wrong.
It is the ordinary pressure of life.
I think of it almost like gravity.
Gravity never stops pulling.
The ordinary pressures of life can work the same way. Little by little, day after day, they pull against the growth you have experienced.
Without a root continually drawing life from Christ, that pressure can pull you back toward your old baseline.
The anger.
The fear.
The need to control.
The pornography.
The withdrawal.
The old reaction.
Suddenly it is back.
Sin Can Wait for an Opportunity
This is where what Paul tells us in Romans 7 becomes important.
“But sin, taking opportunity by the commandment, produced in me all manner of evil desire.”— Romans 7:8 (NKJV)
Then a few verses later:
“For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it killed me.”— Romans 7:11 (NKJV)
Sin takes an opportunity.
As I explained in the previous article, “Why Do I Keep Falling Into the Same Sin?”, I believe Paul is describing sin as far more than an abstract concept. Sin dwelling within your members doesn't have to make you do what you don't want to do every hour of every day.
It can wait.
You haven't looked at pornography for three months. Then one evening you are bored, lonely, sexually aroused, tired, or disappointed.
Opportunity.
Or perhaps anger has been your problem.
You haven't exploded in weeks. Then comes one of those days: failure at work, unexpected spending at home, the children going wild, and a near accident on the way home.
You walk through the door carrying the day's accumulated weight.
Opportunity.
And suddenly the rage you thought you had overcome is back.
The pressure didn't necessarily create the sin, and its return doesn't necessarily mean your previous growth was imaginary.
Something really may have grown.
But the growth didn't have deep enough roots to sustain it against life's continual pull.
And sin was content to wait.
“I Knew This Wouldn't Last”
Then comes discouragement.
I thought I had overcome this.
After enough cycles, sin doesn't even have to tell you that your growth won't last.
You tell yourself.
I've been here before.
I thought I changed last time too.
This won't last.
Eventually you become suspicious of your own growth.
But perhaps you have misunderstood what your experience has been telling you.
Your growth wasn't necessarily false.
It was unsupported.
A plant doesn't survive a drought by trying harder to stay green.
It survives because its roots can still reach the water.
Where Is the Water?
John gives us the answer in only a few words:
“In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.”— John 1:4 (NKJV)
In Him was life.
I believe we have sometimes reversed the Christian life.
We think life will come from growth. If I overcome the anger, pornography, fear, or bad habits—if I become disciplined enough—then I will finally experience the life I have been looking for.
But a plant doesn't receive life because it grows.
It grows because it is receiving life.
Growth is evidence of life, not its source.
And life is in Christ.
So perhaps the deeper question isn't:
How much am I growing?
Perhaps it is:
Where are my roots?
A root doesn't merely believe water exists.
It draws from it.
Likewise, our relationship with Christ has to become more than something we believe.
I don't merely believe my wife exists. I know her. I hear her. I converse with her. Through interaction, attachment develops.
You can believe in Jesus, study Jesus, read about Jesus, and listen to sermons about Jesus. At the same time, Jesus can remain largely a concept to you—someone you sincerely believe in but rarely interact with.
A root requires more than information about the source.
It has to reach the source.
How Do I Develop Roots?
If the reason my growth has not been sustained is that I have “no root in myself,” then the obvious question is:
How do I develop roots?
Good question.
I am not going to ask you to study the Bible more.
I am not going to tell you to join another Bible study, start a new Bible-reading plan, listen to more sermons, read more Christian books, or even pray more.
Those things can all be valuable.
But I am going to ask you to do one thing:
Ponder.
Yes, ponder.
Something you already do all the time.
Suppose you have a difficult project at work. You begin turning possibilities over in your mind.
Will this work?
What if I tried that?
Could this work?
What about this?
One thought leads to another, which creates another possibility and another question.
You keep pondering.
You ponder it in the shower.
You think about it before bed.
It is there again when you first wake up.
You continue turning it over in your mind while you're driving.
Pondering.
Then suddenly, the solution comes to you.
That's it.
Now you know how to complete the project.
What happened?
You continued pondering until the insight came.
We do this so naturally that we hardly notice it.
You already know how to ponder.
Now I want you to take something you already do naturally and begin doing it with Scripture.
Take One Verse
Take one verse.
Just one.
Sometimes one or two words may be enough.
Read it and begin doing what you have always done when trying to understand something:
Could it mean this?
Could it mean that?
What about this?
What about that?
Why did he use that word?
How does this connect with something else I've read?
You're not taking a test.
You're exploring.
Paul told Timothy:
“Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.”— 2 Timothy 2:7 (ESV)
Notice the two movements:
You think.
The Lord gives understanding.
Paul doesn't tell Timothy to stop thinking so the Lord can speak.
He tells him to think.
Let Your Thoughts Flow
Let's try it.
Take John 1:4:
“In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.”— John 1:4 (NKJV)
Perhaps you take only two words:
In Him.
Now ponder.
Why “in”?
If life is in Him, how do I receive that life?
What would it mean for me to be in Him?
Could this have something to do with roots?
Don't hurry to answer, and don't immediately reach for someone else's answer.
Take those words into your day.
In Him.
Let one question lead to another.
Maybe nothing happens immediately. That's fine. You aren't trying to force anything.
But as you continue pondering, pay attention to the flow of your thoughts.
A thought may come that you did not feel yourself producing, but receiving.
It may sound like the ordinary voice of your thoughts. Nothing dramatic may be behind it. But something is different about it—a wisdom, clarity, or understanding you know you could not have come up with on your own.
Sometimes it may be only a few words.
Sometimes those few words suddenly bring several things together.
Sometimes another Scripture comes to mind, and you see a connection you had never seen before.
Sometimes the thought is so simple that you could easily pass over it, yet as you keep pondering it, an understanding begins to open that you could have read past a hundred times without seeing.
Many times, this is how the Lord speaks to us.
Not necessarily by interrupting our thoughts with an audible voice, but by joining us within the flow of our thinking and giving us something we did not produce.
That is why Paul's words are so important:
“Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.”
You were thinking.
Then something was given.
A thought not produced, but received—with a wisdom you could not have come up with on your own.
And if that happens, don't rush past it.
Stay with what you received.
Ponder it.
What does this mean?
Why did that thought come?
What is the Lord showing me?
Now you are no longer simply thinking about a verse.
You are beginning to converse with Christ.
Pondering becomes conversation.
Conversation becomes interaction.
Interaction develops attachment.
And beneath the surface:
Your root is growing.
Don't Make Growth the Goal
Perhaps this is where we have gotten things backward.
We have made growth the goal.
But growth cannot sustain itself.
Life sustains growth.
And life is in Christ.
So instead of constantly measuring the leaves, develop the root.
Take one verse.
Ponder it.
Carry it through your day.
Converse with Christ within that flow.
Receive the understanding He gives.
Sometimes one verse may occupy you all day. Sometimes one phrase may occupy you for several days.
Sometimes two words may be enough:
In Christ.
Don't rush past those words.
For now, don't let me explain them to you.
Ponder them.
In Christ.
Think about a root entering the soil.
Think about where it draws its water.
Think about Jesus saying that the person who received the word with joy had “no root in himself.”
Think about John's words:
“In Him was life.”
Then come back:
In Christ.
What does that mean?
Don't immediately reach for somebody else's answer.
You already know how to ponder.
You think.
Let the Lord give you understanding.
One Final Thought
As your roots grow deeper, you will be able to sustain your growth against the constant gravity of life.
And if something returns, it doesn't mean you failed again.
It may simply mean you need deeper roots.
Continue the Discovery
If old patterns have returned and left you questioning whether your growth was real, don't stop at the setback. Continue exploring the Re-Forming message and discover why lasting transformation is rooted in life received from Christ, not merely in managing what appears above the surface.
Explore the Re-Forming Message →Read Article #1: Why Do I Keep Falling Into the Same Sin? →Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotation marked ESV is from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.